The Past:

 “I hear of strange things happening in the east” I said to my husband as I took a bite out of the warm bread he had just baked. He had recently come from the local market and had made the bread using ingredients he had purchased there. “Don’t worry about it, Love” my husband said. “I’m sure it is nothing to worry about it- just some kids making up stories.”  I ponder this for a moment, gently rapping my fingers on the wooden kitchen table. I am not sure I am convinced that it is just stories. I have not heard from my friend Iona, who lives near Andorhal, in weeks. We send frequent correspondence through the mail system, and she has not replied to my latest letter -which is not like her. The last time she did not respond, she had been injured while working on her small farm. Word has also been going around that Prince Arthas is traveling the kingdom in pursuit of some sort of threat. Rumors have even swirled that he is changing- becoming something….else. Perplexed, my gaze drifts towards my husband, Arden, and our eyes meet. His dark green eyes are like two burning emeralds, and they scan my face.  A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, and I return the gesture, warmth flooding my body. I stand up from my chair and make my way towards where he is sitting on the opposite side of the table. His smile widens as I reach him, and I cup his cheek in my right hand, gently brushing my thumb along it. The delicate silver bracelet on my wrist grazes his face. The circular golden jewel in the center catches the light, and his gaze shifts to it. He takes my wrist, pulls it to him, and runs his fingers along the chain. The bracelet was a gift from him, and I smile as I recall the time he gave it to me. I don’t wear it often, because it is so delicate, and I worry that it will get damaged while doing farmwork. “I remember when I first saw this bracelet in Capital City, and I knew I had to get it for you”, he says. “The gem’s deep amber color reminded me of your eyes”, he says in a teasing voice, pretending to swoon. I snort and roll those same eyes at him. Laughing, Arden starts to pull my body close to his, a sly smile on his face. The moment was soon gone, though. This moment, and every moment I had ever wanted for myself, taken, along with my life.

Just a few moments later, following a sharp inhale, his eyes wide, my husband collapses to the floor and starts to writhe in pain. He vomits, and a strange, green liquid froths from his mouth. I scream and rush down to him, trying to figure out what is going on. I pull his head into my lap and wipe the vomit from his mouth. Fear sets into his face, and almost immediately his eyes roll into the back of his head. I smack his cheek and shake his shoulders hoping to rouse him. “Arden… what’s the matter? Arden……wake up!!” I wail. Before I could figure out what is wrong, I too started to feel sick and collapse on the floor next to my husband. The pain I felt was enormous, and my vision quickly started to fade to black. I vomit, and a second, burning wave of pain courses through my body. The burning soon subsides, and I feel like I am freezing over, no longer being able to feel my limbs. Moments later, on the verge of death, I hear a deep, dark laugh in my mind. Chilling, and yet it calls to me; my mind hungry to hear it once more. It is intoxicating and terrifying all at once. Little did I know it was my new master, calling me home.

Those were my final moments alive- pure joy followed by pure agony. My mind was now no longer my own, and any memories I had of my time under the Lich King’s control I would do anything to forget…

I was 30 and living with my husband in a small cottage near Capital City when I died from the plague and became a pawn of the Lich King. When Arthas had finally retreated to Northrend and his hold over me had vanished, I was at last able to start rebuilding my life.  While my memories from my time as “scourge” under the control of Arthas are a bit fuzzy, I remember small bits, a whirlwind of consciousness and nothingness. I remember occasionally feeling a light- a warmth. However, as time passed, I felt this sensation diminish, almost as if it was moving away from me, leaving me alone in the darkness. Once I was back in control of my body, the first thing I remembered from my time as a scourge was that light. It is hard to describe this light, but it feels like a warm sensation deep in my chest that brings me instant comfort. When I close my eyes during this “light”, I see a faint glow in my vision, just barely lighting up the dark. I came to believe this sensation was some connection to my husband, however small, lasting through our deaths. Something about this light just reminded me of him, in a way I can’t describe. Even though I had no recollection of seeing him while I was a scourge, I refused to consider that he wasn’t among the newly formed Forsaken. I firmly believed that this sensation was him somehow. Mystics I had sought out confirmed this for me. Pity in their eyes as they took my coin, they had handed me my sentence- forever I will look for that light, for my husband.

 At first, I did not know how I could find him. The task seemed daunting, and for a moment I almost wanted him to be dead. Anguish fills me every time I think about how he, too, would have witnessed and committed so many atrocities while a scourge. Death would be a mercy compared to what the Forsaken went through.

 On one of my worst nights since being freed, in a remote area of northwest Tirisfal, I looked over a cliff’s edge and into the sea. Experiencing some of my darkest thoughts, and ready to succumb to them, I decided to look up into the night sky one final time. Milky hues and tiny pinpricks of fire dotted the heavens. I found the brightest star in the north and watched it for a moment. Its reddish hue was like a beacon in the night, undulating in the sky.  Arden had once told me that this star was used for navigation, always pointing the observer northward if you kept it in front of you. He had used it a few times to find his way back home when he was younger, and it always returned him home without fail. Thinking about Arden caused me to shudder, feel too much, and I quickly looked away. Gazing at the stars made me realize they were as far away as everything else I once had in my life: Arden, my farm, cottage, friends, my happiness, all no longer within reach.

Suddenly, and almost forcefully, I felt it again, the light. It was painful this time, something that has never been the case before. Surprised, I quickly crawled back from the edge of the cliff and leaned against a rock, putting my head down onto my knees and grimacing through the pain. I slumped over, feeling exhausted, when I heard the beating of wings nearby. A large gust of wind came over me, kicking up dirt and rustling leaves. I peered up, barely lifting my head, to find Vexe, my wyvern, looking at me. He sniffed the air and growled, putting his head under my chest. As gently as he could, he wiggled himself under me so that I was laying on his back. He slowly stood up, and seeing that I was safely on his back, took off into the night. The wind whipped at my clothing and the cool night air smelled of petrichor, one of my favorite smells when I was alive. Howls of nearby wolves pierced the otherwise quiet ride, and more than once I felt Vexe angle his head down, likely considering grabbing one for a nice dinner, but thinking better of it. A quick dive down would likely throw me off. Still in pain, I angled my head to the side and looked up to the sky and saw the stars once more, the north star shown brilliantly ahead.

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One of the most important things in my life since my reawakening was training as monk. There was a day, several years after my reawakening, that made me question if I was still a mindless beast. Having gone years looking for my husband, and turning up nothing, I was becoming desperate. Fresh on a lead about a group of Forsaken that were passing near Hearthglen, I made my way there. I convinced myself that my husband was among them. Although having no proof that he was with the band, I had felt that sensation again, the light, and believed he would be among them. Like a crazed animal, I practically ravaged through the village in search of him, running into several people during my search like I was a drunken fool. It was a stormy evening, and rain had caked my hair to my face. My leathers were damp and becoming heavy, but I did not care. I was almost to my husband! With night setting in, I finally came upon the Forsaken and realized Arden was not among them. “Where is my husband?!” I said frantically to the men, practically yelling. Startled, a Forsaken man that appeared to be more bones than flesh said “I am not sure who you mean, miss. My companions and I are just passing through, on our way to Undercity. It is just the three of us.” Starting to panic, I said, “No, you must be mistaken. My husband, Arden, you must have encountered him! He must be with you, maybe he’s been trailing behind you-” My vision tunneled, and my panic soon started to turn to rage. The man was still talking to me, but I could no longer hear him. How could my husband not be here, I feel him! “I feel him”, I screamed, unsure if it was just in my head or if I had said it aloud. Furious, I swung my right arm into a nearby merchant’s stall, throwing her goods from her simple table onto the ground, her delicate creations instantly ruined. Continuing my rage, I picked up the table like it was nothing and threw it against a nearby brick wall. Shrapnel from the table flung into the air, a large, pointed piece nearly striking a young girl standing close by. I screamed in agony, knowing I was acting like a demon, but simply not caring. Let them see me as a devil, I thought. Completely rain soaked now, I fell to my knees and screamed one final time, baring my teeth and growling like a rabid nightsaber. I sat there, rain pelting my body, for what felt like an eternity. Only seconds, or a millennium passing, I was not sure. However, my temperament eventually cooled, and I hung my head in shame.

 Seeing that my fire was doused, bystanders turned to walk away, although a few glanced back in my direction, unsure if my fit was truly over. The Forsaken man I had spoken to earlier knelt in the rain next to me and gave me a tentative smile, his hand placed gently on my shoulder, “I’m sorry miss. I understand, really, I do. So many of us have lost loved ones. Nothing about what happened to us is fair, and I hope we don’t destroy ourselves because of it. Good luck on your search for your husband.” He paused, then continued with some trepidation, “My companions and I are going into the tavern. Join us, if you wish, and you can share memories of him.” A small smile crept over his face, exposing his sharp, needle-like teeth, “And you can glare at the humans with us. It always makes them so uneasy.” He chuckled, then got up and walked into the tavern across the lane with his group. I looked up at the building they went into, two large windows faced me, and I was able to see inside clearly. A soft warm light glowed within, and patrons sat at tables, engrossed in their conversations, some throwing their heads back in laughter. Faintly, I could hear music playing. A man with a deep baritone voice was singing some tune that I recognized from my previous life, but now could no longer recall the words to. A human woman with brown curls and rosy cheeks had several mugs of ale in her arms and brought them to a table where several young drunkenly sang along to the music.

I continued to look inside for a few moments, and finally came fully back to myself and started to reflect.  I had lost control. Clearly. The outburst I just had would never have happened when I was alive. Was I evil? Had being a scourge changed me permanently- leaving a monster lurking just below the surface? It certainly felt like it. I needed to get a better grip on my emotions. I needed help if I was going to survive, I decided. Silently, I rose from the ground and walked in the rain towards the path out of town. Now dark, I could not see anything around me- but felt that everyone was able to see me.

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I soon found my way to Pandaria, and I stayed there for a time and learned the ways of the monks and harnessed my inner chi in hopes it would calm my mind and help me deal with the atrocities I had committed as a scourge.  I spent several seasons there, knowing that I would first need to process my anguish and rage before I could venture out into Azeroth again and continue my search. It was hard at the start, and I almost left a dozen times. “Fuck it!” I thought on more than one occasion.

 I had no formal combat training as a human, and now I was having to learn with a body that felt foreign to me. My time in Pandaria was invaluable, and I don’t think I would have survived much longer without the guidance of the monks. Once my training came to an end, I returned to the Eastern Kingdoms to continue my search. In the years since, I’ve have been looking for any trace of my husband. While I travel around in search of him, I sometimes feel that warmth again. I crave these moments of connectedness, these small pockets of light in the darkness.

Currently:

I am still searching Azeroth- taking on odd jobs to make some gold so that I can fund my travels in search of my husband. I am particularly good at working with animals and various creatures (including spiders). I travel with a companion I met several seasons ago, Beep, a mechanical creature. He doesn’t talk- can’t talk, actually. He communicates in a series of beeps- hence his ingenious name. A while back Beep found a camera in the twisting nether and, naturally, thinks of himself as a photographer. I entertain the idea and let him document our journeys together. My mount, a wyvern named Vexe, has been a faithful companion to me for many years and was one of the first creatures I met as a Forsaken. I hold no specific allegiances, but I do feel a strong connection with other Forsaken and I will do everything in my power to make sure they prosper in Azeroth. While Sylvanas was crucial in my reawakening, I have never fully trusted her motives or felt she truly had the Forsaken’s best interests at heart.